My little sister didn’t want me to buy her anything for Christmas. She was very adamant on me drawing her this and for good reason. See, she told me she wanted me to draw Pokemon Trainer Ruby for her birthday, like, two years ago.
Now you see I’m a terrible sibling.
It wasn’t because I was totally against it or hate drawing or something, but you could say I was in the process of recovering from burnout.
When I was a kid, for years, I wanted to be a manga artist or an animator. I drew a lot. Dreamed up stories and characters. I took classes, implemented the things, but ultimately the pace artists have to maintain to have a career didn’t work out for me. I started dreading art to the point I didn’t enjoy doing it anymore.
That’s stuck with me. I get bursts where I’ll want to draw again, but they’re quickly shrouded by my doubts and insecurities and the fact that “this art doesn’t look how I imagined” and “this looks wrong but I don’t know how to fix it.”
I battle self-doubt constantly. Writing isn’t exempt, but I have an easier time navigating the problems. I probably have a higher natural talent for it. I can handle the hard work involved as long as I keep a healthy balance in my life–and that is extremely important, friends. It’s easy to lose sight of the other aspects of you life when you’re working so hard to achieve a dream. It’s easy to burnout to the point of hating something, and once you burn out, it can take an insane amount of time to recover. If ever, really.
Maybe I wouldn’t have hit this drawing burnout if I hadn’t pushed myself so hard. Maybe if I had a better idea of balance, I’d be able to draw for fun without feeling this old dread and pressure of never measuring up.
We all have our own problems. Perfectionism is one of mine, but I’ll keep doing my best, and I’m hopeful I’ll be able to enjoy the process of drawing instead of staring at a piece and thinking “this is ugly.”
Again, my books aren’t exempt, but I’m getting better. I’ve done the best I could at the time I wrote all of my stories, and I have the drive to continually improve. Along the way, I’ll make it a point to be nicer to myself.
I hope you all have a lovely holiday season. Spend time with families. Recharge. Do the things you love. You’re worth it.