It’s kind of weird being an author, specifically a published author with financial goals. I didn’t become an author because I had dollar signs in my eyes. Let’s be real, if money was the primary goal, being an author is kind of a bad career choice—unless you end up really lucky or somehow know what story tons of people want to read and write it like the ultimate author businessperson.
Neither of these things are me.
I’ve tried to be the ultimate author businessperson, to forge my own luck, and I’ve had some financial success, but my artist heart is constantly at war with the business mind I’ve had to manufacture, because my goal to be a financially stable fiction author was born from the goal of dedicating as much time to art—creation—as possible.
I love art. It’s how I express myself, but it’s also how I process life, explore the world. Yes, even through fantasy. Especially through fantasy. It’s an escape, but it’s also a safe way to explore scary and hard things. It lets me live someone else’s life, and though that someone else is a fictional character, opening my mind to someone else’s struggles, goals, and even happiness makes me a more empathetic person. I believe stories have power and that they do affect our lives. They’ve certainly affected mine.
My artist heart wants to create all kinds of stories. If the business mind didn’t tell me it was a terrible idea to write across all genres, I would. I mean, even telling myself that, I’ve had difficulty reining in my artist heart. Just look at my backlist of published and unpublished books. Because my business mind had some say, it isn’t as eclectic as it would be, but it isn’t quite cohesive either, which means I’ve had trouble building a brand and therefore growing my income.
Someone else in my position would have focused on a day job for financial stability rather than putting all this pressure on their art. They would have let the art be art for the sake of art. They’d have let it stay the magical thing that captured me as a kid, the simple act of creating with no expectations beyond that thing being mine, my outlet, my safe place to think. That isn’t a right or wrong answer, but it is an answer.
I’ve been contemplating my goals a lot lately, second-guessing my decisions with publishing, but my answer has mostly remained the same: I’d still like to make this author thing into a financially viable career so I can write as much as possible. I’m not sure if I’ll succeed in building a brand or if I’ll reach my financial goals, but I want to find an intersection where I’m getting what I need out of my art while delivering stories that will please the amazing readers supporting me. At the very least, I want to remember to create art no matter what, even if it’s just for me. In whatever form it may be.
I don’t get to draw as much as I’d like to, but I thoroughly enjoyed doodling foxes while writing Vixen x Thief. I wrote Vixen x Thief for me but also for you, hoping you’d love it as much as I do, but I drew a fox with colored pencils, painted another with watercolors, and drew another with my tablet on the computer all because I wanted to, and that is just as important. Maybe it’s more important in some ways.
This is me telling you to do things that feed your soul. It’s great to think of other people, to help them, to create things they’ll enjoy, but it’s just as important to nurture yourself. So, take a moment to be selfish. Enjoy a hot bath, take a walk outside, sing your lungs out, dance, feel what it is to be alive today.
