I just got back from the longest vacation of my life.
I’m a workaholic, and when I do take a break, it’s a day off here or there. Actual vacations are far rarer, and they never last more than a week. Until this one. I was away from home for three weeks. To be honest, I was worried I wouldn’t handle it well and worked myself up a bit before and on the plane ride, but then I arrived at my destination and had a fantastic time. I got to hang out with family I don’t get to see often and indulged in the green beauty of Missouri—which is very different from Utah.
There’s a lot I could say, but rather than tell you every little thing I did, I’m going to give you some nature highlights, since most of the pictures I took were from hiking, and then I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom from my siblings.
Have you ever been alone in nature? I was almost always with my family on this trip, but I did one hike by myself. It ended with me surrounded by dripping limestone. It hadn’t rained much that day, but I swear to you, limestone formations like this one continue dripping no matter what. Suppose that has something to do with limestone being so porous. Regardless, it was magical.
With all that limestone comes lots of caves, which may or may not make an appearance in one of my upcoming books… Talk about loads of inspiration!
And let’s not forget the endless forest.
With lush vegetation comes life. There are so many critters in Missouri. Like, so many. We saved turtles moseying across roads more than once, and we saw a lovely variety of butterflies.
Behold sunset on the Lake of the Ozarks. Breathtaking, isn’t it? The sun sets every day, and yet it’s never the same. You don’t have to travel to see a different sunset. Life might feel boring or monotonous sometimes, but no two days are the same. I’m always reminding myself to live mindfully, to be present and experience this moment, because that’s all I really have. You never know what you might discover if you just pay attention.
I’m always trying to better myself, and most people would say that’s a good thing, but my brother said something on this trip that’s stuck with me: You don’t have to overcome everything. We were talking about how much I dislike driving and how I avoid it. I haven’t found the motivation to fix this about myself, because I don’t, in my current situation, have to drive much if at all, and he said that to me. It made me think about the things I won’t be able to overcome simply because my time is limited. I don’t know when it will happen, but I will, as a perfectly imperfect being, die someday. And that’s okay. I still believe in growth and bettering myself, but if I’m not motivated to do anything about my aversion to driving and don’t have to currently address it, maybe it’s okay to let it go.
Anxiety has always been a constant companion in my life. I worry about anything and everything, conjure up what-if scenarios to prepare myself for uncomfortable situations. A certain level of preparation can be a good thing, but the constant worrying over imagined situations is just ridiculous, which is why I’m stealing a phrase my sister used: It’s not a problem until it’s a problem. She was dealing with a work situation where she needed to cover her bases, but after that, she had to let it go. It was no longer a problem unless it became a problem. There was no point imagining what might happen next. We have no power over how someone else might act or react to something, so why stew on it when it might not even turn into a problem? Likewise, why worry about how much I dislike driving if it isn’t currently a problem?
Anxiety will do what it does, but I’ll keep these words of wisdom in my back pocket. They’re sure to come in handy. Reframing my thoughts, grounding myself, and keeping positive phrases in my head all help, even if they don’t cure my anxiety. The most important thing is to keep trying.
You are enough, my friend. You are capable, strong, and brave. You deserve to be happy.
Watch the next sunset, okay? You’ve earned it.
